Dear Mr. Gray!
I saw you yesterday on the Swedish TV-show Skavlan. You were there with Mona Sahlin, Timbuktu and the Norwegian foreign minister. It was a nice show and you made me open my eyes.
Up to that show I had called myself a feminist. But you made me think and now I don’t call myself that anymore. Now I call myself a John Gray-ist. I really found your ideas of male and female interesting and decided to follow them practically. They really made my life both easier and more pleasant. Thanks!
To learn more about your genius ideas I started to read your book today. Wow, what an eye opener! You are really a great author! What a fascinating and wonderful word artist you are, my man!
But I do have some questions that I would like to have addressed:
- Today, when I told my girlfriend what I wanted her to cook for me, she refused. She, not being very in to the idea to cook for me every day just because I don’t want to (she is evil, I know), said I could do whatever I want for dinner but since she had made dinner most of the nights this week it was my turn! So now I sit here, hungry, and I wonder: Even though I really don’t want to cook, should I? If I should, should I cook for her as well or shouldn’t I punish her?
- If I just sit on the sofa, because I am really tired, and start to starve to death – can she be punished then?
- My daughter, being only 8 months, doesn’t always sleep at night. My girlfriend thinks I should take her of her sometimes at nights. I tell her that I am tired, and she replies with self-absorption that she is too! But I don’t want to be awake at nights!!! Who is most responsible for nights? Should we split, as she want’s too, or should she take every single night for our daughters entire childhood, as I want too?
- We had an argument where she said that cleaning is no fun for her either. But really, she should love to clean, shouldn’t she? I don’t want to clean at all, ever, and she doesn’t want to clean every single time! I said that both our opinions are equally worth but she calls me a fool. Who’s to blame if our home turns to a dumpster? It’s her fault, right? She says I am responsible too, but I try to tell her I don’t want to clean! It’s like being a child again, but it’s ok, it’s male right?
- When our daughter starts school she will be taught that genders are constructed and not that men are from Mars and women from Venus. I really thought too that we were from the same planet before I saw Skavlan, but now I wonder – should we teach her the right thinking at home? Not me of course – I prefer to watch the news, but my girlfriend should try to stick the correct upbringing of our daughter into her schedule, right? She takes breaks sometimes, and reads or watches TV – I should make her quit that, right? That’s my treats! I am tired at nights…She has time for more work, I haven’t!
- At my last work, I worked for a woman who is Mayor of my home town. Had it been ok if I left my coffee mug at her desk for her to clean? Not that she had more time than me, but because I as a man didn’t want to clean it. Or does this only apply to women you live with?
- And this is really what I wonder the most about: now that I am not a feminist anymore but a John Gray-ist, should I start to question everyone who tries to argue like my girlfriend – that house work is mostly not fun for anyone but that it has to be done! And that resting or watching TV is fun and should be done if there is time, and that applies to both persons in a relationship? And that parenting should be both responsibility. I thought this, until I saw you on the show – but now, having found your immense intelligence shockingly sweet, I just want to know. Should I question this?